50/50

Second thoughts. Don't be surprised. I am, after all, an Aquarius trapped in a Capricorn's body. When I told my sister about the way I am currently feeling (confused, deterred, etc.) she seemed surprised and sad. Doesn't she know me? Anyway, this week's second thoughts are brought to you by confusion (career mainly: teaching and grad school) and ticking clocks (wanting a baby: foster or my own, sooner than later) and my planets being where they are. So, all the eclipses and tectonic shifts that have been rockin' my world for the last 18 months are over and I can really feel myself starting to settle. I really want some sort of clarity and stability but admittedly I am not exactly sure how to find it. One minute I feel 100% sure of my choice to transition into teaching, the next I'm like "teenagers: blehhh". I don't want to go through all these hoops and measures to be able to teach and love it for only a year or so. And then there's money. I have been hearing that teachers in Cali get paid crap, and well, no, that just won't do. I have yet to investigate this myself and come up with solid, factual numbers, but it still scares me. In typical Capriquarius fashion, I am applying to a teaching program that will keep me in Philly even though I am planning to move to Cali...doesn't make sense? Nothing I do ever does...

Reason #275 I want to move to California

this view is just not good enough.

Premiere.

Ah, the first post. The pressure to set the tone, the color of the blog, because like the cliche goes, "you never get a second chance to make a first impression." I'm not too concerned with first impressions. Most of you will already know me, and will think what you have thought of me since you have known me. That being said, for those who don't know me, one of the driving forces behind my decision to move (and this blog, for that matter)is the fact that I have for all of my life existed in some sort of personal limbo. I have lived (am living?) in that space between the person I want to be and the person I actually am. The last year has lessened the gap between the two spaces (who I want to be vs. who I am)somewhat but I still have a ways to go. I am convinced that the former does not exist/cannot exist in Philly. Other than my family, there is nothing physical tying me to this city. I will go into more detail in a seperate post about my decision to leave and to go to California. As for now, this is the first post. Take it or leave it.